Morning everyone, and welcome to the match report for what turned out to be a quite remarkable game for terrible Australian accents, equally awful northern accents, and some truly average cricket.  

We turned up…well some of us turned up on time, only for the ground to be locked. After a little time, the gate was unlocked and people started to roll in. When all was set, Skip (the less tattooed Summersbee…that we know of anyway) actually won the toss, and with the threat of rain, confidence from last week…aaaaaand the football to get back for, he elected to put Dorchester in to bat.  

We started reasonably well removing the left handed opener for 2 in the 3rd over, but the Dorchester batsmen struck back, hitting some aerial shots through the covers and over midwicket. After a very strong partnership of 106, it was up to I.Challand (Frozone, IceMan, [Insert horrible Aussie accent here] Challow?!?!…I think just no!) to break the deadlock with a sharp Caught & Bowled from the pavilion end. Challand struck again in his next over removing Dorchester’s number 3 for 56. W.Bury (Wilbruy, Wilberforce,…) and G.Summerbee (Granty-bix, G-unit, G-Force…The Force!) bowled well, but to no avail. Wilberforce had the opposition playing and missing, but after a dropped catch from the keeper (Binners where were you?), J.Mabbett (Moobs, Mabbs, Green Giant) was brought back on to bowl. Settling in for a long spell, he bowled reasonably well, if a little wayward at times, but managed to get the breakthroughs with a double wicket maiden, and ending on 5-52 off 14. Challand finished on 3-27 off his 7, with the
Dorchester total finishing on 197-8, and we trudged off thinking it wasn’t too bad… 

The highlight of the break for Mabbs and Bhu was the excellent Manwich, which had Tranches of Ham, Bire, Saucisson, Port Salut, Mayo, Mustard and all inside a freshly baked Olive Baguette…very classy! After this short interlude we got back to the cricket. 

The WAG innings started well, with B.Basilisco-Gurung (Bhu…that’s it) hitting a lovely 4 on his third ball. R.O’Kelly ([insert terrible Aussie accent here] ROBBO) pushed on to 32, but a few wickets fell in quick succession. D.Spencer (SPENNO, Lady Dai, Spenny the Spindly one) stuck around but had no real support with wickets tumbling regularly. There was a huge appeal for caught behind off Spenny with the Dorchester collective adamant he hit it, but the umpire said no, and the spindly one survived. In the end he was dismissed for gritty 42, being bowled by the Dorch off-spinner. 

Bhu got bowled for 5; Robbo was caught for 32; Skip was caught for a duck; C.Mercer (Colon, POD, Short Stop) was bowled by a beauty for 1; Challand was caught at gully on 6; Mabbett dragged on only 98 short of his hundred for 2; Harvey was pinned LBW for a duck; Wilbury stuck around for 15 overs with Spenny until he was LBW for 15; and Grant was bowled going for a huge swipe for 3. Chief was the only one to weather the storm, earning himself a classy 0 not out.  

Mabbett won Man of the Match for his 5for.  
Challand won Champaign Moment for his Caught and Bowled. 
O’Kelly won Pigs Ear for forgetting the purpose of cricket and refusing to run because “I didn’t know I was allowed”. 

In the end Les Armée Verte came away with 8 points, but not what you would call, a strong performance! However, the ultimate aim of the day was met as everyone made it back home in time to see England demolish Ukraine 4-0.  
Mabbs out!